How to Quieten your Inner Critic
We all have an inner voice, one that narrates our thoughts, helps us plan our days and keep s us on track, but, what happens when this voice turns sharply critical? Especially when we make mistakes or fall short on our own expectations.
This is your “inner critic”. While it may masquerade as motivation, it often does more harm than good.
What is the Inner Critic?
The inner critic is a part of our inner dialogue that’s judgmental, unforgiving and sometimes quite cruel, It might sound like:
“You’re not good enough.”
“Why did you say that?"
“You sounded so stupid.”
This voice often echos things we would have heard in the past. Either from parents, teachers, peers to society and becomes internal over time. What started as external pressure, becomes something we might replay daily
Why is it so Harsh?
The inner critic often believes it’s helping or trying to keep you safe. Usually, from embarassment, failure or rejection. Ironically, it does this in an incorrect way, using fear, shame, self-doubt and harshness.
So, what can you do?
the goal isn’t to silence your inner voice completely, it’s to turn down the volume and shift the tone. Here are a few steps to start softening your inner critic:
Notice the voice: Begin to pay attention when it shows up. What are you saying? When does it speak the loudest?
Name it: Some people find it helpful to externalize the voice. you might even give it a name. Definitely don’t mock it, but use this as a way to create some emotional distance. “Ah, there’s Jeremy again.”
Ask: Is this True? Often, we’re quick to accept the voice rather than challenge it. Would you say this to a friend? Or, is there evidence to support what it’s saying? Usually, the truth is more nuanced than we think, and our inner critic attempts to simplify it.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially when you’re struggling. Choose to be on your own side, whilst allowing yourself to be accountable.
Seek Support: Sometimes, choosing to be on your own side takes practice. Therapy can be a powerful tool for unpacking where these voices come from and help you find new ways to speak to yourself.
You Deserve a Kinder Inner World
Living with a harsh inner critic can feel debilitating, but it’s not a life sentence. You can rewire the way you relate to yourself. It takes time, intention and patience, but it’s possible.
Imagine what could shift if your inner voice became helpful, rather than detrimental. What might you say? How might you grow?
It starts with one thought: Maybe I can be kinder to myself.
